**Michele had a laugh** that never held back. It was one of my favorite things, making her laugh. I can still hear it seven years later. She had beaten breast cancer back a couple of times, but it just wouldn’t let go of her. I got the call from her husband Roger on a January morning that things were not going well and her time in this life was coming to an end. I had moved away four years earlier, but during my frequent trips back home she was always the one I went straight to. We spent hours on the phone, but not often enough. Michele was one of my best friends. Our kids were best friends. Our husbands were good friends. I loved her.

So when I got that call in January, I jumped in my car and drove the 11 hours to be with her. The plan had been that I would stay for a week and we would just hang out. I didn’t want to wait til she was on her deathbed. I wanted to just be with her. I called that first morning I was in town to let them know I was on my way over, but Michele was not well and was rushed to the emergency room.

While waiting for word on where I should go, the ER or the house, I of course headed down to my old local yarn shop to pick out some yarn to knit Michele a wrap. I wanted to leave my hug behind when I had to return home and planned to knit it while we hung out for the week. Now, I’m an earth tones girly. But, Michele was all vibrance and brightness. I picked out three gorgeous colors of orange, magenta, and yellow in The Fibre Company’s Arranmore yarn. It is a bright, tweedy, squishy blend of wool, cashmere, and silk. The perfect hug.

I finally got the call to head to the hospital and I met up with her other friends, and her amazing kiddos in the ER waiting room. We took turns going in to see her. She was drowsy from the medication but oh! I will never forget the way her face lit up when she saw me. The surprised delight literally beamed from her face. I hold that look so close to my heart. We talked for just a few moments, about our families, about my drive down, about how we would spend the week, about how freakin gorgeous her skin was even as she was fading.

Another friend and I went back to the house to get it set up for hospice, and to take care of things as best we could. The next morning, I began Michele’s wrap as we sat waiting for the hospital bed to be delivered. Then the phone rang. Michele was gone. My week with my friend had turned into mere minutes in the ER. But, what a blessing those minutes were.

At the end of the week I drove home with so much unfinished, which is the way of things. One of the unfinished things was the wrap I had started knitting. For a month, I kept it in the back of my closet. It hurt too much to look at it. And honestly, I was still in shock.

But then the time for mourning came, and I decided to knit a hug from Michele instead of the other way around. I ripped out what I had begun and went on the search for a new pattern. I chose the pattern fittingly called “O Friend” by Maggi Toner-Edgar that is part of the Innisfree Collection inspired by William Butler Yeats’s poem which begins “I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree…”

Over the next year, I would work on the poncho whenever I thought of her. I knit many tears and a lot of heartbreak into that wrap, but also a lot of smiles and happy memories. I even have a section where I can still see the anger in the stitches. I finished it on the one year anniversary of her passing over.

My grief needed a place to go and so it created a lasting piece that I can return to and put on whenever I need to feel Michele’s friendship near me. It was a very cathartic process that gave me the time and space to just be in that loss.

I feel like our modern society really shies away from death and grief, and I think we would all benefit from reestablishing a year of mourning and from tangible expressions of grief. A knitted, crocheted, or woven garment cannot be rushed. It takes attention, hope, and faith in the process. A lot like grieving.

Herbs and Flowers to ease grieving: Anemone, Basil, Bergamot, Bluebell, Hyacinth, Lavender, Lemon Balm, Marigold, Marjoram, Rose, and Thyme.

Trees to ease grieving: Cypress, Maple, Mimosa, Poplar, Weeping Willow, and Yew

Colors to ease grieving: Black, red, dark purple

Animals to ease grieving: Sheep, Mourning Dove, Nightingale

Knitting Through Grief

Setting Intentions for your Project